The Difference Between Want and Need 3

"Name!"

A voice.

"Name!?"

You can hear it. A faint voice in the distance.

"Name, where are you?! Name?!"

Is that... Is that Dean? Weak, you barely have the strength to open your eyes, but you try. You try with all your might. "Dean." A small noise escapes you. "Dean!" You try again, louder. You try and shake your body. The movements cause you tremendous pain, cast iron cufflinks cutting into your wrists, but you do it. Do it so he can find you. Save you.

"NAME!? Please, where are you?" He's looking for you. He's looking for YOU. 

"DEAN!" the Earth shattering sounds breaks from your body as you shake furiously. Commanding every last inch of strength.

"NAME!" You hear him, his footsteps getting closer and closer until your leather bound knight comes crashing through the door.

"Dean." Voice barely audible you smile at him. He bounds towards you and slices at the chains that bind you. You fall but are softly caught in his arms. He unshackles you and you place a hand on his face. "You came."

"Of course I did." He takes you hand then recoils. Horror stricken at the sight of your now slit wrists and blood soaked skin. "We ned to get you to a doctor, quick." With that he picks you up and carries you out of the room. The warmth of his chest and the rhythm of his heart are the last before the weakness takes you and you close your eyes to darkness.

...(Later On)...

You slowly open your eyes and awaken to white sheets, your wrists bound in bandages and a sleeping Dean in the chair next to you. You're in a hospital room.

You look at Dean. His sleeping face is that of a child, such innocence and peace. As you reach out to outline his chin, Sam comes walking into the room. "Oh, you're awake. Good, we were worried."

"Hello Sam." You smile, happy that you were able to see him again. "How are you? Oh the Djinn. Did you get it?" You try to sit up but Sam comes over and helps you back down.

"Don't over do it (Name)," HE says softly, pushing back down into your bed and covering you with the blanket. "You lost a lot of blood last night; and you have some broken ribs and a concussion as well as what happened to your wrists." He sits on the edge of the bed as he peaks, setting the grapes and lemonade he brought on the side table. "So you're going to be taking it easy for a while. And yes, we got the Djinn. Cas and I killed it while Dean went and found you."

Moving your head back in relief you say "Well good, at least no one else will get hurt now." Then your head comes back down as you stair at your room and the bed you're in "Though I'm really annoyed that I'm back in hospital and won't be able to be helping again." He laughs as you continue your rant. "I was just getting over the last one when that sod attacked. Bastard." You shake your head furiously, then succumb to the acceptance of your inability to do anything but be a bloody charity case for an extra few weeks. Sam gets up to poor you some Water and you look at him "Are you and Cas ok?"

"Yeah," He says, brushing the comment off like the notion of him and Cas being hurt was just impossible "Cas and I are fine, a couple of cuts and bruises, but nothing we can't handle." You chuckle to yourself as he hands you the water, he's so cute when he tries to be the strong one. You love being in this little family thing.

"Oh good." You smile, bringing the water to your lips. Then you remember something. "How is Cas," You're slightly panicked and the sudden thought of the poor angel, "I bet he was really worried."

"Why? Worried about what?" Sam looks genuinely confused. Which confuses you in turn.

"About me?" You answer slowly, slightly stunned by his nonchalant response. Of Course he'll care. "I need to see him, he'll probably be worrying himself sick." You try to move again, but a sharp pain comes from your side and you have no choice but to lay back down.

"Um, (Name)?" Sam puts your glass back on the side and looks at you, a slight WTF-age look on his face "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Alright, something suspicious is going on here "Why?"

"Because you and Cas have never got on very well." He says this likes it's normal. What the hell? What's he on about?

"What?" You look at him with your own WTF face. "We get on brilliantly, Sam, we've been going out for the past couple of months?" You give a slightly baffled laugh, "Don't you remember?"

"What?!" All of a sudden Dean is out of his chair and sitting on the other side of your bed. Looking at you really seriously.

Completely ignoring his words because you're just happy he's awake, you say "Oh Dean, you're awake. Thank you so Much for..."

But you're cut off by a not very happy Dean. "What do you mean you and Cas have been together for months?"

You look at them Both, astonished by this sudden bout of amnesia they both have, and try to explain it. Utterly confused. "Guys, you both know this." Then you look to Dean, leaning in and lowering your voice slightly, as for Sam not to hear. "That's why you and I had that Talk. You know when I told you that I loved you and you just ignored it." Ouch, didn't really wanna be remembering that again, but you had no choice.

"Babe," He puts both his hands on your face and looks at you "What are you talking about? I would never ignore you telling me you love me." He seems serious, though you dare not believe it. He puts the back of his hand on your forehead, as if checking the temperature "Are you feeling ok?" Then he looks to Sam "I think the Concussion is worse than the doctor thought."

"No," You remove his hands from your face and shake your head, eyes closed, before waving your hands at him, in a frantic attempt to explain. "look when Cas and I went to the cinema that night, when we came back, you and I had..." Suddenly you stop your rant. Something has caught your eye. A ring on your left hand. A beautiful gold band on your ring finger.

Staring at the piece of jewellery, Dean begins to speak. "Do you remember now honey?"

"Remember what?" You're still distracted and completely confused by the ring, so I don't even really hear what he says.

"I'm the one who love you." But this you heard. You head shoots up as you gaze at him, not completely believing what he just said. But then everything comes crashing into reality like a steam train. Raising his left hand up you can see he has another ring on his finger "Remember our wedding?"

Your heart stops. "Our wedding?" There is confusion in your voice, but the disbelief and shock kinda overruns it. 

"Yes, 2 years ago?" His eyes are now looking at you with worry.

But you're barely registering that as you're too busy freaking out. "What?" You go back to just staring at the gold band on your finger "No, we didn't..." Your head shakes madly at the notion "We haven't..." Face ranging through a variety of expressions, not quite believing the idea "Did we? I..." But maybe, "I can't..." just maybe "Remember." Your eyes move to his, searching for a glimpse of truth.

Silence befalls the room as you and Dean stare at each other, his grip on your arm getting a little tighter. "I'll get the doctor." The silence is broken by Sam's remark.

Dean Breaks eye contact with you to look at his brother "Yes," he nods as Sam walks to the door  "I think her concussion is much worse than what we thought." With That Sam nods and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door is closed you whisper "Dean."

"Yes." He moves his head back to you, your gaze still fixed on him.

"I'm not dreaming am I?" Your voice trembles slightly, the want to believe it all pulling at every sense and nerve in your body. "I mean, this is actually happening?" You nod at him, trying to stay calm but losing the will to do so as time goes on.

"What?" He asks softly.

"Well, you know," Your eagerness escapes you, "like when you were captured by that Djinn that time? Everything you wanted came true?"

He changes position on the bed and shrugs "Well, not everything. Sammy didn't like me and Dad was dead."

"See," Your voice peaks, ideas now running through your mind, "if this was a dream from the Djinn, how could you know that?" You look at him, moving your hands in reason. "because it's my head not yours, so how could it know that."

He lays down in your bed, bringing you with him. wrapping his arm around your hips he brings his forehead to yours. "It couldn't," he whispers softly, "and it doesn't." He moves his hand to your face and strokes your cheek, bringing the hand down your arm and taking your left hand in his. His lips come to the ring on your finger in a soft kiss as he looks at you  "This is reality. This right here, right now, this is real."As you smile, a tear of joy sweeps past your cheek.

...(2 Weeks Later)...

Dean pushing you in a wheelchair, you finally leave the hospital. The sun streams through the trees, and with a smile, you face towards the it and revel in its warm glow, not believing it's ever been brighter than it is today. Then a hand caresses your cheek. You nuzzle into it as you turn your head and look at Dean. Your Dean.

"Hey!" after lingering in his gaze, you break away and turn to the direction of the voice. Sam is stood at edge of the pavement, waving his hand at you both.

"Hi" you wave back and he then opens up the boot of the car he's beside. "Hey, new car?" you ask as you and Dean pull up to where he is and the shinny new Mini van he's got.

"No," Dean says helping you out of the wheelchair and into the car, "this is the one that you picked remember?" He then folds up the wheelchair puts it in the back of the car. The one from a few months ago; with the folding seats and lots of storage for weapons that you wanted."

"Yes," You nod as he gets in the passenger seat. "but you said 'there's no chance. Who's ever gonna get tail driving a kiddy-carrier like this.'" 

"Did I?" He turns round to look at you, then looks a his brother "I don't remember saying that."

"To be fair Dean," Sam responds as he looks behind him as he tries to reverse, "that does sound like something you'd say." Sam nods at his older brother then pulls out of the space and onto the road.

"Also, you said that we wouldn't need this because the Impala has more than enough room and has, and I quote 'Pussy-Power'" You should really stop, because you've already won with Sam's backing you up, but you had to continue. You love being right too much.

Dean turns round in his seat to look at you and your sarcastic tone. "OK, before you both decide to gang up on me again," He sits back in his chair and begins to count on his fingers. Like a small child, he's about throw his toys out of the pram. "A. I wouldn't say that because I'm married to you..." Aww, that's sweet. "And who needs that kind of aggravation? Because we all know I wouldn't stop hearing abut it all day." Ok, maybe not that sweet. "and B. We all agreed that the impala was great for high speed and getting to destinations quicker, but we needed something bit more practical and with more space."

"Firstly," you chuckle to yourself at his resolve, but he will not win. "I believe Sam, Cas and I agreed, but you still went on about it being a waste of time and money, acted like a child and said if we get it you're gone. 'You'll have nothing to do with this embarrassment.'" You sit back in your seat, feeling triumphant.

As he tries to explain himself and attempts to make it sound like getting the car was his idea and Sam shooting him down and exposing every bit of bull shit, you sit back and think 'maybe this isn't a dream. Because I can remember that alright, and Dean says that you can remember the real life, not the new memories. Maybe I was in a comma for ages and can't remember this life and made up a new one in my head.' Happy with that explanation, you listen to the rest of the brothers bickering with a smile on your face.

...(30 Mins later)...

You and the boys have been laughing and joking away on the drive back to the motel. "Haha, Oi that did not happen that way." You guys were talking about the time you decided to go hunting on your own, only to end up covered head-to-toe in mud and having to walk 5 miles back to the motel because you've lost your phone, to find that they already vanquished the bloody things while they were out looking for you. Not the best memory, but one that gets a lot of laughs. The car parks and the boys get out; Sam opens the boot and gets the wheelchair out as Dean opens your door and lifts you out of the car and into the wheelchair.

As you and the boys make your way to the room, Dean pushing you, Cas opens the door. "You're later than you said."

You look at Cas, rather astonished. His arms are folded as if annoyed by the pure sight of you, his face echoing the feeling. "Hello Cas." You say, forcing a smile in a hope to overcome the icy chill in the air between you.

His eyes shoot to you, causing you to jump back a little. "Hi." That was it. The unfeeling tone hit you rather hard. 'When did this happen?' you think as you approach the door 'We always got on brilliantly.'

"Cas, be nice, she's been through a lot ok?" Dean scolds him as you both enter the room. Cas answers just by a exasperated sigh and shuts the door.

Dean pushes the wheelchair next you your bed before lifting you out of it and laying you on the bed. "Right, here's the remote and your iPad, I'll see you later." and he kisses you on the forehead before picking his jacket up and turning to Cas and Sam, "Right, let's go."

"Um... Excuse me." You say, and they turn to you. Well, the brothers do, Cas opens the door and walks out, completely ignoring you. "Where are you lot off to?"

"That werewolf sighting that Sean told us about."Dean says quickly before turning to the door again.

"Hey, hold on." You shout out to them. With this Dean tells Sam to go on and he'll be there in a minute. "Who's Sean?" You ask as he sits on the bed next to you.

"You seriously don't remember?" He asks. Your blank face answering him. "Ok. Sean, our FBI representative?" Confusion obviously all over your face he continues. "(Name) This was your idea. Ok, a few years ago you and Alex..."

"Alex. Alex is still alive?!" You practically scream at him.

"Yeah, he's back at the base with Sean. They do the trackin' and we do the killin'. Well we have to, you're brothers too lazy to do actual work. Anyway," He waves his hands as he explains, trying to be as quick as possible. "You and Alex came across the Beast Dispension unit or whatever section of the FBI or whoever they are when we were on that Vampire case in Mississippi that time, when you met up with those agent guys. Anyway, since then you guys took up their offer and now we get paid for doing what we were doing anyway. So now that's what we're off to do." He looks at you in a 'Get-it-now?' sort of way, all hopeful with his explanation.

"What?" You have no idea what he's talking about. Dean got into a fight with the lads from Mississippi and said that we all get on just fine without them? Since when did he actually agree to it?

"Dean, hurry up." You can hear Cas outside.

"Coming," he shouts back at them before turning to you, "it's ok, well after this we'll be going home so we'll go over it all then and you can watch tapes and go over the pictures to try and get youer memory back ok?But right now I have to go. So I love you and I'll see you later." He kisses you again on the forehead before walking to the door.

"Ok.. Be Careful." You shout as he leaves.

He peeks his head back round the door, "I won't." he says with his cheeky grin, before disappearing and closing the door.

You sit there for a little while staring at the door, then decide to turn the tv on. "But," you begin to talk to yourself as you stare at the tv, "he did have that fight, and he did refuse to the FBI, because I remember us having a big argument about it. He did say no, and we ended up not going with it. That did happen. I know it did." Sat in the room on your own, your mind starts running rampant with thoughts, trying to figure out what was real because, in all honesty, you just don't know anymore.

...(Next Day)...

You four drive home; you and Dean in the Impala and Cas and Sam in the Mini Van, which has now been nick-named 'The Beast'. But, when you finally arrive, your first sight isn't what you're used to. "Hold on," You say as Dean helps you out of the car, "This isn't where we live. Where's the bunker." You're outside a beautiful big New England style house, with a big red door and picket fence. Definitely not the bunker.

"What are you talking about woman, of course this is where we live." He says, closing the door and getting the bags out the back. "Seriously woman, do you remember nothing? I'm starting to think I'm gonna need to "Jog" your memory." At which point he pinches your bum, and presses you against the Impala door when you turn round to protest.

"Don't you dare Mr Winchester." You say, playfully smacking him on the arm.

"But seriously (Name), do you really not remember?" You look at him; his eyes reflect actual worry. 'Maybe,' you think to yourself, 'Maybe this is all real and I have just really bad concussion.'

"Yes, of course I remember." You say with a smile. "I just wanted to see your face when I said it. Haha."

"You are just plain evil Mrs Winchester," he chuckles as he shakes his head at you, slapping you on the ass as you walk towards the house.

When you open the door you can't believe your eyes; there's an actual hallway lovely living room on your right. You walk into the house in bit on a daze, which continues as you wander into the living room, unable to believe what you're seeing. "Are you ok (Name)?"

You turn slowly to the voice, "Yes thank you Sam, I'm... I'm fine." Looking round this beautiful room of cream and light green, you spot something at the end on the living room. "Oh my god." It's the Kitchen.

You run straight in and are greeted by a huge and beautiful kitchen, complete with all the trinkets and appliances you've ever wanted. "OH MY GOD." You clasp your hands over your mouth in utter disbelief.

"I know you'd be missing it," you turn and see Dean leaning against the door-frame, "But I never knew you'd get this excited about seeing the kitchen again. Jesus woman, what's wrong with you?" He walks over and puts his arms around you. "You'd think you've never seen it before."

"I know... Know... I just forgot about it, so... so seeing it again was just like... Wow." In his arms you look round at the room again. "I just, missed it you know."

"Oh great," he pulls away as you turn round, raising his arms in playful protest, "So next time you're gone, I'll just send you a picture of the kitchen then shall I?"

You stand there and look at him as he shows off, loving him. When he finishes his rant, you walk over, wrap your arms around his waist and kiss him on the cheek, "I love you."

His eyes find yours and he holds your face in his hands, and looking into your eyes he says, "But not as much as the kitchen."

You burst out laughing and tip-toe up to him, pressing your lips to his. He accepts the kiss and deepens leaning into you and almost sweeping you off your feet.

"Ahem." Someone clears their thought in the hallway and you pull away from Dean, who lets an annoyed sigh escape as you do. "Oh, Cas," you struggle away from Dean and straighten out your clothes. "Sorry, hope we didn't embarrass you."

"You didn't." He says coldly as he looks away from you. This saddens you, but you try and brush it off and greet him warmly. "Is there anything we can do? Do you need to talk about something?"

"Not with you," ouch. He looks straight at you like he resents your even being alive, "Dean, can you look at this for me please." And he turns his back and walks away from the room. Dean strokes your cheek and gives you a quick peck on the cheek before leaving after Cas. 'Cas,' you think as you stand there, staring at a now empty doorway 'What happened between us?'

You turn on your heel and walk into the conservatory and out to the garden. The sun is shining brightly and birds are chirping pleasantly in the trees, but you don't notice as you walk out onto the patio. Staring down at the bricks beneath your feet you think of all the good times you and Cas have had, unable to think of a single time he's been mad with you this much, racking your brain for any idea of what you've done and how to put it right.

As you walk you don't notice the end of the patio, almost falling off and pull your foot back before looking up at the garden.

But you're met by the decaying face of a corpse. You jump back and fall to the ground, hitting your ribs to the patio. As harsh pain sores throughout you, your eyes stay with the ghoul, dead flesh clinging to its rotten body. You cry out to the boys, unable to pick yourself up from the ground from a mixture of pain and fright.

As you try to crawl back to the house "(Name?!)" Sam runs out and takes you in his arms. "What's the matter? What happened?" Other footsteps are heard nearing you and Sam from inside the house. "(Name)!" Dean rushes to you and buries your head in his chest. "What? What happened?" Cas comes running out too, weapons in hand.

"There!" Face still to Deans chest, you reach out in the direction of the ghost. "What?" Sam asks as he stands and looks at the garden.

"There's a monster, right..." You face away from Dean and in the direction of a the corpse. Nothing. Just garden. "There." Your eyes scan all over the garden, but there's nothing there, just trees and flowers and plants and birds. Nothing. But... But it was right there.

"What monster?" Cas looks at you, clearly pissed off, "there's nothin there woman." You look at him, tears now in your eyes as you just can't hide your hurt anymore. "And look, you've cut yourself up again," you look at your bandaged wrists, seeing them slowly turn more red from blood, "and you've probably busted your ribs again, great more recovery time."

"That's enough Castiel!" Dean has let go of you and now has Cas up against the wall by his neck. "I don't care how much you don't like her Cas, but (Name) is my wife, and I've had enough of you acting like a little bitch and putting her down all the time..." But Cas head butts him and pushes him away and onto the grass.

"Our life isn't just built around her you know!" Cas throws down his weapons and walks over to Dean, "since that day, it's been all about her and I've been completely rejected." Dean tries to get up but Cas just pushes him back down, "I know I left her on her own. I get that, and I am sorry, but we're all supposed to be a team!" Cas begins to walk back to the house, but stops and looks back at Dean, who's now sat on the grass with his eyes to the floor. "And then font mean a team when it suits you, I don't mean a team when she is safe enough or doesn't have to be left with me on her own for longer than a minute." Pure anger is in Cas's voice as he shouts at Dean. White-knuckles visible on clenched fists, he makes his way back to the house.

One leg inside the conservatory he turns, feeling something clenching at his other foot. It's you. With tears streaming down your face. From the shear pain of seeing your family fight each other, you grab onto his leg and say "I'm so sorry Cas." through a jagged breath. He looks at you briefly before jerking his foot away from you and continuing inside, leaving you there to cry before passing out again as the pain finally catches up to you.

...(Later)...

 Disturbed by light you open your eyes. The light is coming from window of the room you currently laying in. You rustle the warm sheets that lay around you as you try to move, but stopping when a sharp pain courses down your spine. "You injured your back when you fell."

You move to see Cas sat in a chair opposite your bed, reading. "Dean is talking to the doctor down stairs." You try to move but he kicks the bed to tell you to stay still. He puts down his book and looks at you "You re-cracked a rib and opened one of your wrists again as well as dislodged the cartilage at the bottom of your back." He stands from his chair and walks to the door, " So no more moving."

"I'm sorry Castiel."

He opens the door again and puts his head through, "What did you say?"

You lift your head and meet his gaze, eye to eye. "I am sorry." He takes a couple of steps back into the room. You take this to mean continue. "I really can't remember what I've done, or what has passed between us," you're going to be honest, because if you get out in the open, maybe you can fix it. "But whatever it is, I am really sorry, and I hate knowing that you don't feel we're a team. So if it's my fault, I'm really really sorry." You look back at the window with melancholy eyes, "actually, I'm sorry even if it isn't my fault."

Then a weight is felt on the bed, and you turn to see Cas sitting beside you. "No, I'm sorry (Name). I've been unforgivably cruel and rude to you these past few months, and I'm sorry." He looks down, as if ashamed. "After that day I felt so awful, and The guys never really forgave me, especially Dean. So I started feeling sorry for myself," as he continues, he raises his head to meet your gaze, "then I began to convince myself that it was all your fault, and I hated you for it?"

The last comment. That last comment felt as if a dagger to your heart. Your friend, one of your dearest and most loved friends, hated you. Shaken by his words you lose all power to speak, except a solitary "Why?"

"Because then it wouldn't be my fault and, if I hated you," He sighs, "I wouldn't have to worry about or feel so hurt about things that concerned you."

His voice is full of confusion, hurt and guilt. He's trying to be stronger and keep his resolve going, but s words too true to not crack his strength. You rest your hand on his, as gently as you could, looked into his eyes and asked, with a soft voice "Cas, what happened between us? What wouldn't be your fault?"

"You really can't remember?" He asks, eyes squinting in questioning.

You shake your head and reply earnestly "No."

Cas closes his eyes and looks to the heavens, and with a sigh decides to tell you everything. "When we first met and when we were all first together and hunting, I developed feelings for you, strong feelings." He sighs again, "I had fallen in love with you." His voice is shy and you squeeze his hand in reassurance. "I told you how I felt, that I cared for you. But..." he shifts his position uncomfortably, obviously distressed by the story, "You told me that you cared for me too, but as a brother and a dear friend. You said that you were Married to Dean and that you loved him, which now I realise you should have, as those vows are sacred." You smile weakly at this statement, even when wounded he's still sweet. "And you were right to say that nothing would develop between us, and you said it as gently as you could, which I thank you for. But at the time, I was embarrassed and angry and ashamed of myself. So I began to distance myself from you." At this he shifts again on the bed, but to look straight into your eyes, "You must understand that I did truly think it best, because you are a married woman and I would never want to come between a woman and er husband, especially ruin the marriage of two true friends. But I was feeling things that... That I hadn't felt before, they were strange to me. So when that day came,"

"What day?" You ask.

"We all went hunting, we had been following a vampire pack for about a week, when Sam found out their resting location, we all sneaked in to lay a surprise attack and kill them all in one go.." He looks at you as if to ask if you were following and you nod for him to carry on. "When we got there, we all split up to cover the place faster, Dean and Sam went one way and You and I went the other." Then he shifts and moves his hand away from yours, turning his back to you. "When we all split, and we went off on our own, I walked someway ahead of you. The reason was purely so you didn't feel uncomfortable being alone with me because of... what I said. But it backfired. As I turned to check on you, you had gone. I doubled back to look for you, to find you gone and two dead vampires leading the way to the main room of the building." His voice begins to break a little, and you put your hand on his back, but he flinches so you remove it. "I went to look, and found that they had you." He raises his head before continuing, "The next bit may be quite distressing for you to hear, so..."

"No, it's ok, carry on." You reassure through a strained smile.

He turns back to you and continues in a low and careful tone, "When they captured you, they tied you to a metal draining table. They then went on to strip you of all your clothes and..." he looks at you, asking if he couldn't continue. Once again you nod. Slowly. "And they began to cut you, and drain you for your blood into the wine bottles bellow."

You draw in a sharp breath at the horror, but control it as you allow him to continue. "If I had the weaponry, I would have rescued you myself, but I was greatly outnumbered and would have met my own fate that day, so I rushed to find Dean and Sam. Together, we defeated them, rescued you and set fire to the lair before taking you to the hospital." He drops his head back to the floor, "When we were waiting for you to come out of surgery, Dean... started to abuse me, physically, verbally... He shouted so loud that security threatened to remove him from the premises... Well, I can't blame him, I had put his wife in danger and had failed to stop her from being captured. And at that point we didn't know if you were going to be ok or not, so he was worried."

"But you would have been worried too." You interject passionately, hurt by your friends weak demeanour. "Didn't you tell him that? Didn't you stick up for yourself?"

"That means telling the truth," He then looks at you, seriousness in his eyes, "and that would have implicated you."

"How?" You squeak, voice trembling as you try to hide tears.

"If I had told him why I had walked away. If I had told him that I confessed my feelings to you, and you knew, but had not told him. How do you think he would have taken it? He would be feeling worried for you, and betrayal from the both of us." He shakes his head diligently, "No (Name), I'd rather him feel angry at me than that he had been betrayed by me. Or hurt from the fact that you neglected to tell him about what I had said."

Tears begin to stream down your face, but a smile shows at his loyalty and love for Dean. Like many times before, you realise how blessed you are to have such a steadfast friend as Castiel in your life. And you thank God for blessing the Winchester brothers with such a friend too.

"Since then," he continues, not looking at you "Dean hasn't trusted me the same way again, and our friendship changed. Since then, I found it easier to hate you, so I could never be put in the same position again."

"Castiel," he turns to you. Tears on your lashes you look at him with a soft expressions and wavering smile, "I am so sorry Castiel, I never wanted you to be sad, and I'm sorry for never explaining to Dean." You place a hand on his cheek, "I am ever so sorry my darling.I will explain to Dean what happened right now." Impassioned, you try to get out of bed and find Dean. But a set of arms surround you and lay you back in bed.

Castiel moves away and brushes a bang from your face. "No, I am sorry my friend, I shouldn't have allowed my feeling cloud my knowledge of the friendship we have." He steps back from the bed and gives you a small kiss on the forehead "You rest now, you can talk to Dean if you still wish to when you wake." and he turns and leaves the room.

You stay, staring at the door for a little while, happy that everything between you two had been sorted, then turn in your bed to sleep again. But, just as you close your eyes, a memory flashes into your mind. "But," you slowly open your eyes as you think about this new memory, "It didn't happen that way."

Irritated, you move your arms out of the covers and stare at the ceiling, trying to think. "But, we didn't split up, Cas and I took out the group that ambushed us and we were able to kill all of them. I didn't get captured or have to be hospitalised. I swear none of that happened." Then you lift up your arms. You see scars, deep ones. You trace one with your finger, thinking 'I don't remember... having these before.' Confused, you lower your arms back onto the bed.

A small scream escapes your lips as you see it again, the suspended ghost from the garden. You sit there, breathing harsh and unable to move. As you were about to scream for someone, you stop suddenly. You recognise this ghost, you don't know where from, but as you look at it, something rings in your head that your know of this ghost. Also, it doesn't seem to be a ghost at all; its not moving, or glowing, or mumbling, speaking or otherwise. It's just floating there. As if suspended. Lifeless.

Slowly, you inch your way over to the bedside cabinet, not taking your eyes from the ghoul. You open the door and true to root around in ope of something to wright on. You look to the draw for a split second and back to the Ghoul. It's gone.

You look around your room, trying to see if it was still there, or left some sort of resin. But nothing. No trace that it was ever there. You lay back down on the bed, any confused, and now suspicious, thought running through your head. You had never come across a ghost like that before; one that does nothing and shows no sign of paranormal activity of any kind. 'What if,' you think 'What if it wasn't a ghost. What if...' you take a deep breath and shake your head, gathering up your thoughts. "I have no memory of anything; I have no memory of this house, the incident with Cas, Marrying Dean. I can't remember any of it. And that's bloody weird" You begin to list all the reasons why this world, to you, might not be completely believable. "I would remember things like that, and NO WAY IN HELL did Dean overcome his little-leg complex and accept the offer to work for those CIA guys, not when he has his Dads trusty illegal means of money earning to turn to. That DID NOT HAPPEN, I would not dream up the fight we had over that, that was a horrible fight. Also, nice country house in the suburbs? Really? White-picket fence is so not Deans style, or even really my style if I'm honest. Ok, well that's a lie, but It definitely isn't Deans."

The more you think, the more you begin to not accept the life you've been, apparently, thrown into. "Also, Dean said that he saw the other dead and dying people that were captured in the same place as him when he was caught by the Djinn. Maybe... maybe that ghost I've been seeing isn't a ghost at all. If it's a memory. If it's a memory then I didn't win against the Djinn," the realisation causes you to pause for a moment and draw a steadying breath, "and it's got me."